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Old 06-26-2006, 08:53 AM   #11
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

I was 22 when my first was born. Are we ever old enough for a first?

I don't know what to tell you about church. I just don't go anymore. There was a bunch of hypocrasy. Be good on Sunday, but tell the people at the zoo your 3 yo is really 2 so they get in free. Maybe vist another church or 2? It could even be good for the kids to learn about other churches.

For the church mom, I would say something like "What we do works for our family, and if I need help I will ask. Thank you for your conern." Not rude, but gets the point across.

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Old 06-26-2006, 09:14 AM   #12
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

Thanks mamas!!!
You are all so kind. Why dont we al lmove to the same neigbornhood!!! LOL
I told hubby how i felt and about the comments i have recieved and the way i have been avoided and he said, maybe it is time to visit a new ward, "out of boundaries" Thing is i used to LOVE going to church, but now i just feel so every sunday, adn i think it is because i dont want to go. Dont get me wrong, there are a few very nice ppl at my church. just the bad ones seem to spoil the bunch for me.
As for me being to young< she asked me how old i was when i had my first, i told her 20 ( my twins) and she said wel, i means the one that counts..Umm i guessing she meant only living children count and not ones taht have reached perfection?? I have been able to tell for a long time she is just uncomfortable with my lifestyle. When i wasnt rushing to a hopsptail to have a D&C she was shocked. and it was like she would ask me how things were going, not really wanting to know, but wanting for me to get back to church and back to my calling. But when i would tell her, it almost seemed like minor eye rolling. Just annoying.. I was all signed up for clarinet lessons from her, but now i dont think so.
As for the age thing too... my sister was a bad kid( like me LOL) and she was going down teh completely wrong path. At 17 she had a baby adn i was scared for her. ( we were both 17 actaully) and i jsut thought, how hard and horrible for her daughter... welll, I was sure taught a lesson by her. I look up to her for hte way she parents. Her daughter changed everything about her. and she is a wonderful woman of God, homeschools her kids, ( who are brilliant) and just loves them in a way that is amazing, especially considering where she came from. Now when ppltalk about teenage moms, i am like, My sis was teeen mom and she is amazing!!! I really belie God gave my sis Amber, when she did, because Amber chenged her life.
Anyway, some ppl are stupid, and i know that. and i am so greatful for the mamas here and everythign you all have done for me. I just dont understand why ppl have to be so rude sometimes.....
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Old 06-26-2006, 09:34 AM   #13
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

Yeah, I was always taught that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And I really believe that! Treat people the way you want to be treated! The only time I've been nasty to people, is when they've been nasty to me..and I defend myself.

I'm just disgusted at the rude comments my fellow ds mama's have received...specially you!
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Old 06-26-2006, 10:09 AM   #14
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

wow, honestly I'd find a new church. These people are obviously hypocrits and not people you want as a church "family".
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Old 06-26-2006, 12:37 PM   #15
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

i agree with a pp that said it really doesn't matter how old you are b/c there are moms that are GREAT and AMAZING very young and others who are in their 30's and 40's that just shouldn't be parents. it sounds to me as if you've done a wonderful job with your kids. i personally had my first at 19 my second at 20 and my third (which is my only on purpose baby) is due in aug and i'm 23. i feel i've been the best mother i can be and my kids are amazing. shame on this woman for talking down to you that way. i would as well find a different church. my sister as well had a church they went to from the time they moved to their small town and it was warm and friendly and wonderful. then their house burned down and it was a crisis and everyone there was awful to them about all of it. it's amazing how crisis can bring out a church's true colors...i don't get it. i don't know if it's horrible to say this or not but this is why we love the lord from home.
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Old 06-26-2006, 01:04 PM   #16
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

I don't know what to say to all of that! That's awful!

I think everyone worries they're messing up their kids but I *really* think the ones that don't worry REALLY ARE! Take care,
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Old 06-28-2006, 11:32 AM   #17
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

I am so sorry for your losses. I can't even began to imagine how you & your family are feeling right now... & I am so sorry that you are not getting the support you need from friends at church...

As far as people being so judgemental, talking behind your back & not saying hi, including the bishop... I wonder if you could talk to the bishop... If that doesn't work out, I wonder if you need to search out another church... God is at many churches... churches do get in ruts... maybe yours in in a rut & your family needs a change... & as far as the other members offering you parenting advice, I wonder if you could ask them not to offer unless you are asking... maybe they would be able to agree to disagree... of course not all mama's are able to do this... I just sadly had a blow out with a college friend after asking her 3 times that we not talk about our parenting differences! Some people just can't let disagreements go... those might not be the mama's that you want to hang out with... Searching out a new loving church might be the way to go... of course no ones perfect & no churches are either.... but the way these mama's are treating you makes me wanta cry...
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Old 06-28-2006, 12:37 PM   #18
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

I agree with Jennifer -- as a former clergy person, I would ABSOLUTELY suggest you talk to the bishop. IF your church can't be there for you in your time of grief and mourning, then something is terribly wrong.

There will be critical, insensitive people in every venue, and there will be super nice ones. Don't let the judgemental types ruin your life; find others there who will support you, and do your best to ignore those who have to give their own egos a lift by putting other people down.

I think if someone spoke to me like that, I'd stare them straight in the face and say, "I certainly hope nobody will speak critically to you at a time you are going through a grievious loss. That's one of the most hurtful things anyone could do to another human being. If you disagree with some of the times and choices I've made, I'd like to point out that there is a time and place to express those opinions, and right now, in front of me, is thoughtless and cruel. You should be ashamed of yourself."

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Old 06-28-2006, 06:41 PM   #19
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

that 'woman' should be , well you know i wont write it out
you deserve a big :hug: i hope youc an find another church to go to. some people shoudl keep their mouth shut for you
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Old 06-28-2006, 07:20 PM   #20
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

Hi Melissa-

I go to the same church as you and I feel so bad that you had this experience. It's always one or two people that make you feel unwelcome or whatever and it stinks. I'm pretty sure there's always going to be few people like that. But I bet there are a ton of people who support you and care about you and just don't know what to say! I visit teach a sister in our ward who had placental abruption at 29 weeks back in April. She had an emergency C-section and her baby boy lived for 20 minutes. I can hardly bare to talk to her. Because she did something wrong? Um no, because I want to cry every time I talk to her or see her. It's so hard to know what to say.

There is NO excuse for what that lady said to you but I'm guessing the reason that other people aren't reaching out to you is because they have no idea what to do or say. That's not a good excuse but it's exactly how I feel. Maybe you could help me to reach out to the sister I know. I would hate it if she felt unwelcome at church because I didn't even reach out to her at all.

Go talk to your bishop and tell him how you feel!
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