Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-26-2006, 08:50 PM   #1
Manna00's Avatar
Manna00
Pinchin' pennies 'til they scream
sitesupporter
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: South Western, Virginia
Posts: 29,986
My Mood:
Prison visiting hours and babies

Okay.. I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. When my DH was 15 years old, his mother remarried a man that was in prison. He has typically been in a 2-3 degree maximun security prisons since he was 19 years old-- his crime was technically double manslaughter. However, his crime took place in the town we live in now and this town was KNOWN for it's curropt justice system for many many years (I suppose it's a Southern thing...when big families move into a town and basically "rule" it) until finally in '85 the US Government started to take notice. Really, the crime was in complete self-defense and he turned himself in immediatly after it had all happened... he didn't run- he was just afraid. His attorney (who is now in prison himself) co-ersed him into pleading guilty because he told my "FIL" that he would get the electric chair if he didn't plea guilty... and my FIL being a poorly educated hillbilly signed away his life. My DH is now 26 years old... and his "step-father" is still in prison with no chance of parole.

Fast foward to now: I've gone to meet my FIL a handful of times. I believe he's just one of those guys that SHOULD be out...but, frankly, Virginia doesn't let inmates out... especially those that pleed guilty over 25 years ago. Now, just because I think he SHOULD be out, doesn't mean I WANT him to be out. This is a very, VERY sore topic in the family. Being in the prison system for so long changes an individual... and I'm sorry, my MIL fell in love with him... I didn't. I happened to fall in love with her son. In fact, my grandmothers on my side of the family do not even know my MIL IS married. Most people around here do not know. She is only allowed to visit him for 3 hours every Saturday (and no, they have never consumated their marriage... ever. He wore his blue jumpsuit during their wedding reception and then was escorted back to his cell.) Okay.. so tough situation.

Now there's a baby on the way. My MIL's first grandchild ( and our first CHILD)... and my MIL wants to know how early we can all take Samuel (yes.. still unborn mind you...) to go and see her husband in prison. Call me crazy.. but just because I MIGHT trust her husband doesn't mean I trust all of the other convicts in the room during visiting hours. I never want to take my child to see him. I haven't been to see him in a few years because frankly, all of the pat-downs and extreme rules scare me. DH and MIL have been goign to see FIL for years... but it's all still fairly new to me (Over 5 years I've gone 5 times).

So... what would you do? Am I really being all that silly in not allowing this? I know I'm just placing myself in the "bad guy" position.. but, guess what? Don't care! Has anyone else been in this kind of "visitation" situation?

Advertisement

__________________
Come "like" The Screaming Penny on Facebook HERE Groupon Eversave
Discover Swagbucks (FAQ) then join Swagbucks
[B]
Manna00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2006, 08:55 PM   #2
CMamma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 15,580
Re: Prison visiting hours and babies

I haven't been in it but I wouldn't go. I have a friend that has 2 children & her DH is in prison... they are working things out, etc... anyway she doesn't take the boys there (they are young) & it's b/c HE the FATHER in prison WILL NOT allow it... He loves his boys but he doesn't want his babies talked to/looked at/harrassed, etc but some of the nasty people in there... child rapists, etc. No way... not just that, but GOD FORBID something terrible happen... you'd be in a small area and can only do so much to protect yourselves nevermind a baby... I mean, things do happen inside - riots, etc.

That's just but I wouldn't go.
__________________
Once... And Again Fabric | Vintage | Secondhand
CMamma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2006, 09:11 PM   #3
deejahd's Avatar
deejahd
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Chesapeake, VA
Posts: 553
My Mood:
Re: Prison visiting hours and babies

I'd say prison is no place for babies. If you feel uncomfortable, baby will know...but you have to do what's best for your family. You could always use the excuse that you are nursing on demand and don't (for super obvious reasons) feel comfortable nursing there. Maybe that'll get you through a few years without having to fight it out now.

Hope everything works out.
__________________
Deidre SAHM to Nate (2/27/04) & Josh (10/29/06)
deejahd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2006, 09:25 PM   #4
cr2005's Avatar
cr2005
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 371
Re: Prison visiting hours and babies

Don't go. simply tell the truth. Prison is no place for children to see, especially babies. Say it in a nice way and don't leave any room for argument. Simple as that. No baby should see the inside of a prison.
__________________
Wife to Steven 5/30/98
Mommy to Jason 7/24/02 and Carter 9/15/05
cr2005 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2006, 09:27 PM   #5
ahisma's Avatar
ahisma
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 787
Re: Prison visiting hours and babies

I don't even think you can bring your DS to prison.

State laws likely vary, in MI a child can only visit in prison if they are visiting their parent. My brother is in prison (he got into drugs 2 years ago when my mom died when he was 19) and I know that my DD cannot visit him, although it's irrelevant because I wouldn't let her anyway.

Also, just an FYI, if he gets moved between prisons, or different building within the same prison, the visiting experience can vary greatly. My brother is in minimum security now and I was shocked at how laid back it was last time I visited...they didn't even pat me down because I was pregnant...just checked my feet and mouth. Of course, they know my dad (he's a juvenile violence consultant and his cousin used to be the sheriff) could be it too.

Also, just a thought, but I have NEVER allowed him to have a picture of DD in prison. There are just too many nuts there. I have allowed photos to be brought so he can see them in the visiting room, but I have not permitted any photos to remain at the prison.

Anyway, check the VA laws, or just call the prison. If you can't bring DS, its a moot point anyway.
ahisma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2006, 09:29 PM   #6
momtotwinboyz
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 188
Re: Prison visiting hours and babies

I agree with the others. You shouldn't go if you don't want to. Especially if you're that uncomfortable about it. You can always change your mind later.
momtotwinboyz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2006, 09:31 PM   #7
Lucky Child's Avatar
Lucky Child
AKA The Evil Twin
Formerly: rrandle
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,949
My Mood:
Re: Prison visiting hours and babies

prison is no place for kids. simple as that. even babies. they don't need to be exposed to those "elements", as in the environment in a prison
__________________
~Rachel~
Wife to Erik, Mommy to Bailey (10.29.04) Tyler (02.27.06) and Ryan (03.07.08)
Lucky Child is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2006, 10:24 PM   #8
Manna00's Avatar
Manna00
Pinchin' pennies 'til they scream
sitesupporter
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: South Western, Virginia
Posts: 29,986
My Mood:
Re: Prison visiting hours and babies

Virginia laws do allow children to visit family.. and technically, my FIL is my FIL... and therefore Sam's grandpa. Trust me. I've looked. And my FIL has been in 6 different maximum security prisons over 5 years. They will never allow him to go to a minimum. Ever. And visiting is always the same. Just an awful, creepy experience for me... but not to my DH or MIL... which makes it tough.

And as far as pictures go.. because it's maximum security, you cannot bring anything other than a clear bag with change in it into the visiting room... so the only way he would ever see Sam is by us mailing him a picture (he can only have 1 picture per envelope).

If only my MIL would see the obvious. I apprecaite having the support of you all though. Time to get tough.
__________________
Come "like" The Screaming Penny on Facebook HERE Groupon Eversave
Discover Swagbucks (FAQ) then join Swagbucks
[B]
Manna00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2006, 10:32 PM   #9
ahisma's Avatar
ahisma
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 787
Re: Prison visiting hours and babies

I've honestly never been to a maximum security prison...but I can imagine that there is a significant difference.

I'm not sure that there would be a great deal of harm to a baby from visiting briefly, granted there would be stress, but we all experience stress from time to time.

The major problem that I see is that it would not be a one time thing...and I can definitely see the negatives to repeat visits. I think that this is likely one of those slippery slope things, once you give a little they want more and more.

Can you have a heart-to-heart with DH and recruit him to back you up with MIL? Otherwise, I wonder if your doc would be willing to write a note explaining the implications of this. With my MIL I've learned to pass the buck...I actually had our wedding photographer alter our contract indicating that he would not take group photos with over 20 people (she wanted one with 150+ in specific groupings...can you imagine that nightmare!).

HTH
ahisma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2006, 10:55 PM   #10
rliszkowski's Avatar
rliszkowski
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 128
Re: Prison visiting hours and babies

I've been inside several prisons/security levels for a college class. I would never take a child to one, even a baby. Stand your ground.
rliszkowski is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.