Prison visiting hours and babies

[1bigfamily]

I let my exMIL take my oldest to see his dad when he was 6 weeks. I waited in the parking lot. He is is prison now and has been off and on for many years. I have told his family I will not let me children visit him. I agree that it is no place for a child. The first situation was my bad decision at a young age but I wouldn't do it again.

[Manna00]

Originally Posted by ahisma I've honestly never been to a maximum security prison...but I can imagine that there is a significant difference. I'm not sure that there would be a great deal of harm to a baby from visiting briefly, granted there would be stress, but we all experience stress from time to time. The major problem that I see is that it would not be a one time thing...and I can definitely see the negatives to repeat visits. I think that this is likely one of those slippery slope things, once you give a little they want more and more. Can you have a heart-to-heart with DH and recruit him to back you up with MIL? Otherwise, I wonder if your doc would be willing to write a note explaining the implications of this. With my MIL I've learned to pass the buck...I actually had our wedding photographer alter our contract indicating that he would not take group photos with over 20 people (she wanted one with 150+ in specific groupings...can you imagine that nightmare!). HTH

I think you hit the nail on the head. It would never be a "one time" thing. DH is supportive of me and the choice that I think is right for me and our child... but wow.. his mother is the Queen of the Guilt Trips ( she has the constant odor of Burning Martyr around here...) so it is a difficult position.

Passing the buck sounds like that might be a GREAT thing to get a handle on!! Unfortunatly, my MIL is also an RN and I could totally see her dismissing a note from a ped. Didn't you all know my MIL knows everything?
Thanks sooooo much for the ideas though about how to deal with it. At this point this argument is inevidable... so I appreciate constructive ideas about how to deal with it.

[SheilaJoy]

Originally Posted by rrandle prison is no place for kids. simple as that. even babies. they don't need to be exposed to those "elements", as in the environment in a prison

ITA Never in a million years would I take my child to a prison! Send pictures!

[Manna00]

Originally Posted by Fiveblessings ITA Never in a million years would I take my child to a prison! Send pictures!

I never in a million years would have thought that I would even have to be asking this question if anyone had asked me 5 years ago before I met DH (and consiquently, his family). Sometimes the answers are crystal clear when you're not in the situation.

I'm almost more nervous to send pics rather than quick visit. At least during a visit he would be in my arms---who knows what kind of perverts are in there to look at my sons picture behind cell block doors?

It's just one of those danged if you, danged if you don't type situations.

I still stand firm that DS will not be meeting my MIL's husband as long as he is still incarcerated... but whoa.. be listening carefully soon enough.... from all across the world you'll be able to hear the poop hit the fan over this!

[GrowingUpMad]

I am in MI where the rule is no child unless it is your own is allowed to visit any prison. My BIL was in a minimum security prison for about 6 years and my VERY STUPID sister took the kids to visit all the time (and lied to them saying he worked there, hello they are not dumb). I went with her often as it was a long ride and I had a close relationship to my BIL. I went through the patdowns and such but it never seemed creepy and they were a bit different with the kids. The one thing that was creepy though was that any and all magazines had children torn out of them. I found out later that many men were (I can't even type out the word) _____ing to them so they made it a law that no under age photos were allowed in general population. That totally freaked me out. My BIL asked to have pics of his kids and such at first but quickly sent them back as men were breaking into his cell trying to steal them to use them for their own "enjoyment". That right there is why I would never take a child or even send a picture of a child to any jail of any security level. Oh and it does not matte if the picture was of a boy or girl infant, toddler or teen.

If anyone is wondering what he did I will tell you because I find it sick and once the lies stopped pouring in to me I stopped visting (they told me he was in jail for drunk driving offenses and I actually believed it). My sister was out of town so hired a sitter to stay at the house because BIL had his own business and worked a lot. Well, he got the sitter (15 years old) drunk and had sex with her on more than one occasion. His daughter (my neice) is turning 15 next month and yes my STUPID sister allowes him unsupervised visitation despite the court advising against it. Very scary!!

[Gavin&Brent'sMommy]

girl put your foot down you are not in the wrong, I would never bring a baby to a place like that if they don't like it tough titty!

[FitMommyOf2]

I wouldn't take my baby/kids in general into this kind of 'environment'! Put your foot down, mama!

[cr2005]

Wow - sounds like your mil is a real piece of work. My advice is to stand your ground now on this and on anything else she tries to bully you into. You will be dealing with her for a long time and she needs to know that YOU and your dh make the decisions for your family - not her. I know it's hard, but she sounds like the type to take over your life if you let her.

[Manna00]

Originally Posted by cr2005 Wow - sounds like your mil is a real piece of work. My advice is to stand your ground now on this and on anything else she tries to bully you into. You will be dealing with her for a long time and she needs to know that YOU and your dh make the decisions for your family - not her. I know it's hard, but she sounds like the type to take over your life if you let her.

You've pretty much got the right picture with MIL. Her heart is always "well-meaning"... as long as she gets her way. It really will be a whole new challange trying to deal with "Nana" and our child.... oi. Let the games begin.

[camperjen]

it doesn't matter on the outside opinion of whether you "should" take your baby... I do not believe it will harm the baby in any way to go - even up to a couple of years old, maybe.

BUT - and this is truly the key here - YOU DO NOT WANT TO and that's your right. So say no. Do not do it.

I agree with the others - no pictures whatsoever. Not good.

I have an ex boyfriend in jail - we'd dated 5 years and broke up less than a year before the crime... he shot his parents to death. Not in self-defense, but he was emotionally distraught over something that happened and he just went nuts one night and "got them back".

Point is - I've been to max security and know what it's like in Ohio. I don't think it's harmful for little kids or babies... and with the right kid and the right conversations, it could be okay for older kids, too. But again - that's not the point - dig your toes firmly in the ground and have your DH talk to his mom and tell her unequivocally and clearly that it ain't gonna happen.

I'm sorry your family is in this position.