s/o, kind of: Boys & Puberty

[jls~Kain~Drake]

This may seem like a stupid question and I suppose I could just ask dh - but I'd like to hear from other mom's...I grew up very sheltered...so I'm assuming that there are probably things that I don't know about But I don't know that for sure, so I just thought I'd ask.

What & when will I have to talk about with my boys? Unless a miracle happens, I'm done having children and only 2 boys...no girls. I know what I went through and what would need to be talked about...but what about boys?

I know the obvious things...but dh is pretty bashful/embarrassed easily and not too incredibly open...I'm hoping to change things so that we can have open, comfortable relationships with our sons - unlike the way I grew up!

So, mama's of older boys....or mama's who had brothers maybe? When am I going to need to talk to my boys and what will I need to talk to them about? Assuming there's something to be talked about other than the birds & the bees (aka, 'the sex talk').

[SandyG]

my parents also refuse to talk about sex and drugs and rock and roll it must be a cultural thing cuz grwoing up i NEVER heard any moms talking about that to my friends. im gonna make sure i dotell him that sex is for married couples. that he should abstain from it until he marries. i wont be those parents that gives him condoms (or birthcontrol pills to their daughters). nope. i wish my parents did tell me those things though. i regret doing this growing up big time . wish i had more guidance.

[Little Bear Momma]

I teach 4th grade which includes a unit on human growth and development, and the one thing that parents of boys tell me is the most important thing that the boys share with them is about nocturnal emmisions (wet dreams). I don't go into great detail, simply state that as their body matures, they will sometimes have an erection while sleeping which will end with a small ejaculation of sperm. They can't control it, and it's nothing to be embarassed about. I go on to tell them that if they're embarassed by it, a good way to handle it would be to strip the bed sheets and their jammies and take them to the laundry and ask if they can be washed. I also tell them that their mom's and dad's know about these changes and really want to talk with them. (Of course the parents always have fair warning about these lessons, and I share all of my information in advance so they can ask any quesitons that they need clarified.) HTH...mom's of 9 year olds say it's the best part I share because their DH's often forget this part of development.

[jls~Kain~Drake]

So is that around what age that starts (nocturnal emissions)? About 9yo or shortly after? My dh had mentioned that, but not an age..

I guess I could probably find a book for boys about puberty and read it to learn I just wanted to be as educated as I can possibly be...because I'm DETERMINED to have a better relationship with my kids than my parents had with me. I never really even had relationships until AFTER high school because I was so embarassed by the whole issue.

[Little Bear Momma]

Originally Posted by jls~Kain~Drake So is that around what age that starts (nocturnal emissions)? About 9yo or shortly after? My dh had mentioned that, but not an age.. I guess I could probably find a book for boys about puberty and read it to learn I just wanted to be as educated as I can possibly be...because I'm DETERMINED to have a better relationship with my kids than my parents had with me. I never really even had relationships until AFTER high school because I was so embarassed by the whole issue.

From what I've seen and learned from mom's of my students (over the past 10 years) they can start that early, but often not until around 11. However, I've had several occasions when a boy has an involuntary errection in class. It's heartbreaking for me to watch, because they're embarassed and often don't know how to make it go away. The kiddos who have talked to their moms and dads really do better dealing with these "growing pains". Kudo's to you for being proactive! I'd head to the bookstore and see what you can find. There are *lots* of good books out now...many you can share with your kiddos as they become older.

Smiles~Monica

[jls~Kain~Drake]

Thanks so much for your insight!

[Raquelita]

These are the topics that spring to mind:

1. Body hair/pubic hair (not sure when it starts)
2. Deodorant/increased body odor (usually 5th-6th grade they need to start using this and showering more often)
3. Shaving
4. Nocturnal emissions (and how to take care of it when it happens--i.e., keep the extra sheets under their bed so they don't have to be embarrassed and tell you)
5. Masturbation
6. Dating/relationship expectations in your family
7. General growth - they'll be a LOT more hungry and you'll spend a small fortune on food , they'll sleep a lot more, and their body will change.

HTH!

[CarrieMF]

I agree with the others, definitly include the involunatry erections.

Voice changes, especially the highpitched/squeeky voice

For a sex talk I'd give the basics on always using condoms, when appropriate times for sex are, respecting themselves(men are also victims of sexual pressure), repsecting the girls, dealing with the peer pressure from classmates/friends.

I'd also include some on what the girls are going through during puberty, how pregnancy happens, and such like that.

Don't forget to include that everyone goes through it, the boys all experience the same things and that everything they're feeling is normal and not to be embarrassed about.

[GrowingUpMad]

Well, i have an 11 1/2 year old and he knows most of it. We have taught him a little at a time, here and there so it's not overwhelming or uncomfortable. When I was about to have his sister he was 7 1/2 and while I belive that is a bit too young to learn about where and how exactly babies are born that is when we told him. He had so many questions that just needed honest answers. We ddn't tell him about the sex part though, just where they came out of and how. I think the sex part was about a year later and we were not too detailed, just the basics. The erection talk came at about 9 as he was having morning erections and know idea why. The body hair and voice change talk came about the same time. The wet dream and masterbation talk was about 10 years old as was the detailed sex talk. He also had a body changing video and class at school in the 4th grade and a sex video and class in the 5th grade (not overly graphic). He will have another sex movie and discussion in 6th grade (more graphic) and I believe the final video is in 7th and that goes over everything including STD's and birth control. We talk to him a lot, dh is more humorous about it and I am more serious. There are certain things that I have a hard time with (like the wet dream talk) and certain things dh isn't comfortable with (the girl aspects) so we do a tag team conversation. I try to include about what girls go through so he has some sympathy and understands why the girls are so emotional at times. Me being pregnant again really helps to make an easy conversation for a lot of topics.

Alex came from a teenage love that didn't work out so (we were 16 when he was born) he is very understanding that if you mess around you will get caught. We instill that sex is supposed to be about love and commitment and should only occur after you have fallen in love and are *preferably* married (both his father and I are with the same person we met after each other and both are married). While he knows it isn't the case for all he does understand why it is important. I am not holding my breath that my son will wait until he is married to have sex but I do hope he is in a commited relationship first and is old enough to handle responsibility that comes from it.

[GrowingUpMad]

Originally Posted by Raquelita These are the topics that spring to mind: 1. Body hair/pubic hair (not sure when it starts) ~ Depends on the child but normally around 11 - 13 2. Deodorant/increased body odor (usually 5th-6th grade they need to start using this and showering more often) ~ I'd say 4th grade start training them because it takes a good year before they actually remember on a regular basis. The 5th grade classrooms stunk in the warm weather and after gym. 3. Shaving ~ Starting around 8th grade for most, sooner for some with more/darker hair 4. Nocturnal emissions (and how to take care of it when it happens--i.e., keep the extra sheets under their bed so they don't have to be embarrassed and tell you) ~ Starts around 6th grade, talk about it before it happens as it really freaks them out 5. Masturbation ~ Starts around the same time as above but boys tend to play a little earlier, around early 5th grade 6. Dating/relationship expectations in your family ~ Great topic idea!! 7. General growth - they'll be a LOT more hungry and you'll spend a small fortune on food , they'll sleep a lot more, and their body will change. Let them know you understand but also point them to healthy foods. Boys tend to chunk out some when they start this stage (the taller part takes a bit longer) which can be an impact on self image. HTH!

I put my thoughts and ages in blue!
Great topic guideline!! Everyone needs to remember that boys can be moody and emotional as well and are also very sensitive about body image. Eating right and taking care of your skin is very important for boys as well.