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Old 08-20-2006, 12:37 AM   #11
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Re: I wanted to PLUG my ears!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by presleycaedmon
LOL for real sista!

I can't WAIT to see the looks we get when we're still nursing as DD gets older...and older...and older!
Keep it up You're doing a great thing for her!

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Old 08-20-2006, 02:59 AM   #12
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Re: I wanted to PLUG my ears!!!

I don't profess to be AP or CIO. We have used a mixture of both because it's what worked for us. I do think that 4 weeks old is way to early to do anything of the sort especially if the baby is not thriving. So I understand the frustration.
Our girls always fell asleep with the breast (dd#2) or bottle (DD#1) until they were weaned from it. Then they were placed in their own bed unless it was nighttime and I was too exhausted to get up. For us we let the girls sleep in our bed when they need to emotionally mostly because we've gone through some major changes this year, but we have very squirmy girls and when they sleep with us I get absolutely no sleep and that's not healthy for me. So when it started to appear that they were sleeping with us simply out of habit (coming and climbing in our bed at the same exact time every night) we put a partial stop to it. Usually all it took was one or two nights of complaining (not even really crying) before they resumed their habit of sleeping the night in their bed. But we're talking about kids that are 3 and almost 2 who have proven that they can comfort themselves to go to sleep.
Also, with DD#2 I had severe postpartum depression, but didn't really realize that was what was happening until DD was 6 months old. Because of this I struggled with doing anything remotely related to AP. I literally forced myself to cuddle her and nurse her because I knew she needed it and now that I am through the depression (which coincidentally ended when I stopped nursing her at 7 months) she is my "cuddle bug".
I said all that to say this. Each parent has to decide what is right for their family and their sanity. I do not support neglecting children in anyway, but I personally (only my opinion...not intended to offend) sometimes feel like the AP advocates go a little overboard and make mothers who have a difficult time "giving themselves completely to the needs of a child" feel like they are failures. Similar to the way a CIO parent could make an AP parent feel about the way they choose to parent.
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Old 08-20-2006, 07:45 AM   #13
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Re: I wanted to PLUG my ears!!!

I totally would have chimed in and said something! I am pushy like that if i know that a new moma is getting bad advice! DH is even more outspoken than i am and once told my neighbor she was "copping out" because she told him she stopping nursing her 3 wk old because her "milk dried up". My feeling is that i can step up and say something and have the other mothers think i am nutty or i can let it bother me for weeks.
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Old 08-21-2006, 05:01 AM   #14
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Re: I wanted to PLUG my ears!!!

I was a the stoer yesterday and witnessed something very similiar. I heard a baby crying and instantly I look because it sure sounded little. There was a TINY baby (seriously like weeks old) in her carseat screaming, turning colors. The mom was picking out diapers (another issue, I know) and the grandma was kind of standing there cooing at the baby. I am thinking "pick that baby up and comfort her". So the mom is totally ignorning it for awhile (I couldn't leave the asile at that point) and finally says "mom, can you grab her" and what does grandma say? "Just let her cry it out, she'll learn when it's time to be held and when it's not". I could not believe it and of course I was so stunned that nothing would come out of my mouth. Seriously how is a week old baby going to learn to deal with it? I mean she had a perfect enviornment and not is in this noisy cold world and just wants to feel safe and secure which is hello? your job as a mother!!

Obviously this upsets me and I feel your pain. Of course I wish I was someone that had witty somments on hand. That poor baby!!
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Old 08-21-2006, 09:41 AM   #15
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Re: I wanted to PLUG my ears!!!

My hubby was so shockedi was queit about it. ALl i could say is I could nEVER let my child cry, and i pointed out, that emma still sleeps with me most nights, and i opftensleep with her in her bed until she is asleep. ONe of the moms there looked at me like i was 3 heads but I just said, I am sorry if that makes me a freak, but i will guarentee my kids are farthest form being needy, and dependant.

I just want to cry!!!
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Old 08-21-2006, 10:05 AM   #16
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Re: I wanted to PLUG my ears!!!

Hearing this sort of thing makes me so sad.

We were at the mall yesterday, and we met a new dad carrying his 4 week old baby in a bjorn. We were all sitting on an outside bench, he was waiting for his wife and dh and I were feeding the kiddos. He seemed like such a nice dad, but I felt bad for him! He was telling me about how 'he knows he is supposed to let the baby cry, but its just so hard for him and it breaks his heart to do it' and 'he knows its not good for the baby to be in the carrier so much because he will get used to being held and end up spoiled but he liked to have him close' . He said "they" always say....*insert not nice baby advise here*. I told him I NEVER let my babies cry and that its GOOD for babies to be with their parents as much as possible. I pointed to my perpetually happy 9 month old and said that there were no traces of harm because of the constant carrying and love she got as an infant and continues to get now.

It made me so sad to think that this dad thought he was supposed to let his baby cry, and that he felt he was doing him harm by holding and cuddling and responding to him!
I hope that at least he saw a different way with our family.
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Old 08-21-2006, 10:07 AM   #17
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Re: I wanted to PLUG my ears!!!

Oh and I forgot to say, my dh wasnt really part of the conversation and when I told him about it, he couldnt believe that people actually thought they were supposed to let their babies cry! It seemed so foriegn to him that someone would want to ignore thier baby.

I was at least proud of my dh!
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Old 08-21-2006, 10:23 AM   #18
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Re: I wanted to PLUG my ears!!!

Wow! People would really think I am a freak then because I hold my baby even when he is asleep! He takes half of his naps laying on my chest! At least I can say he knows mama loves him!!
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Old 08-21-2006, 12:08 PM   #19
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Re: I wanted to PLUG my ears!!!

Sorry you had to hear that, mama. I would have said something, too.

I find that many people who quote some book they read, don't know empirically valid research from their *ss.

I speak up and offer to forward valid research sources to back up my own personal experiences. In addition, I always like to acknowledge parenting methods that I myself mistakenly applied in the past. Life is a journey and we learn as we go.

Nothing infuriates me more than when a parent seems more concerned with their own wants and conveniences than the care and well being of their child. I always want to ask, "Who forced you to have a child?"
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Old 08-21-2006, 12:40 PM   #20
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Re: I wanted to PLUG my ears!!!

I wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth closed either. I was told before my first daughter was born to buy the crap that is Babywise, and I still can't believe it's being recommended as good parenting advice. No matter what your views on CIO are, a 4- week- old is just too young. That just makes me so mad.
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