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Old 02-06-2008, 08:31 AM   #11
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Re: Has Anyone Been Through This - Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

First,

I haven't personally been through this but my sister and her DH have. Her DH has a 6yo from his first marriage and she lives 2 towns up from where my sister and BIL live. They rarely see the little girl. They have custody papers saying that they are supposed to get her every weekend. His ex-wife has tried ever trick in the book to keep the little girl away from them including changing her phone number. She has even taken him back to court for an increase in child support and she got it.

Here's what he had to do. Document all of the times you were supposed to get her but didn't. Get all of the phone records to show that you did try to call to make arrangements. If she is not obeying the custody agreement, she's in contempt of court and could really screw herself.

Check the child support agreement. There might be things in it that have changed, she had a babysitter at the time of agreement but no longer does, she was in dance class or music class and no longer is. The custodial parent MUST report all changes in regards to support. You shouldn't be paying so much that you are putting your current family in financial distress. Take pay stubs and W-2s back to the lawyer and see if maybe you can get it reduced.

Good luck!!!!

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Old 02-06-2008, 08:32 AM   #12
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Re: Has Anyone Been Through This - Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

Hugs. I would not terminate parental rights at all. Your DH would still have to pay child support! I agree with what ceilismom said!
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Old 02-06-2008, 08:35 AM   #13
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Re: Has Anyone Been Through This - Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

I'll admit that I didn't read your entire post.

What I will say is that I have been on the "other" end...the child's end of this sort of ordeal and it is hard, hard, hard. In MY experience, relinquishing rights is like "giving" a child away. I know that sucks to here but that is how I felt.
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Old 02-06-2008, 08:49 AM   #14
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Re: Has Anyone Been Through This - Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

Have you looked here and used their Child Support Schedule calculator to see if the ruling is atleast close to accurate.
http://www.courts.wa.gov/ssgen/
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Old 02-06-2008, 08:56 AM   #15
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Re: Has Anyone Been Through This - Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

I have never been through this personaly, but I know a family in a similar situation-- its a tough place to be! Just thought I would let you know I am thinking of you!

Lindsay

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Old 02-06-2008, 08:57 AM   #16
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Re: Has Anyone Been Through This - Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

pm'd you
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Old 02-06-2008, 09:04 AM   #17
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Re: Has Anyone Been Through This - Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

I've been through this -- and my cousin may be doing it again.

In our state, at least, if you do give up rights and the mother consents, you DO NOT have to pay child support.

Here's my story:

My Mom was married before she met my Dad. My Mom had a little girl (my sister) with her first husband. The first husband NEVER saw her (my sister) ...he snapped mentally when my Mom was with him, started abusing her, and they divorced before the baby was born.

When my sister was two, my Mom met my Dad. My Dad is an AWESOME man and he wanted to adopt my sister. The only way to do that was do ask the first husband to give up his parental rights. The first husband did ...gladly ..and he never paid a dime in child support. My sister got my Dad's last name. It worked out very well for that situation.

Currently, my cousin is in a similar situation to yours. I don't want to go into the dirty details, but he is also considering giving up his rights and sadly he feels he has no choice in the situation. Our state really doesn't help Dad's too much.

Anyway ..it's not ideal, but sometimes it is beneficial, IMO. Sometimes ...if you *really* love someone ...true love will let them go from the drama. It may take YEARS for a child to see that ..maybe not until the child is grown ..but one day, the child will see it. If it will be less drama for the child to give up the rights, and if you know the child will be loved and cared for ...sometimes it takes a greater love ...a selfless kind of love to do that. JMO.
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Old 02-06-2008, 09:11 AM   #18
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Re: Has Anyone Been Through This - Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

Did you keep all your canceled recipets and stuff? I know that my mom tried to do this to my dad when I was growing up. I didn't see him for 3 years and it broke my heart. I loved both my parents but didn't know what to do. She tried to say they hadn't payed for a while and my stepmom had kept everything and that's the only thing that saved them. Also, moms DH (not darling) at the time was beating me and I didn't want to see my dad b/c I didn't want him to do something and get in trouble. I've been in your DSD's spot and it isn't fun
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Old 02-06-2008, 09:13 AM   #19
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Re: Has Anyone Been Through This - Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

Your DH's ex is actually doing something called alienation of other parent (not sure of the exact name). But it is when one parent bad mouths the other parent in front of the child. I know that in my state if I did that I could have my sole custody taken away and my DS sent to live with his father.

You might want to mention that to the lawyer. Because it is illegal because it does damage the psyche.

I wish I had more help for you. I am on the other side of the tracks with my son and my ex. My ex wants nothing to do with him and is not fond of paying his support. I went to child support enforcement to get it. And I am going to refile this month in CA because $410 is NOT enough to cover everything with my special needs son that he helped cause.

But to see a dad truly love a child like that and the mom just walks all over him, is it horrible. I hope that things work out for you.
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Old 02-06-2008, 10:09 AM   #20
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Re: Has Anyone Been Through This - Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights

I say Hire a different lawyer.
If you have to sale your house to afford child support, then the courts need to know that.
Here in Ca, they take everything into concideration for the amount of CS owed to the non-custodial parent.
Maybe fight for custody.

And here in CA, both parent's have to agree to the termination of parental rights, only then will the other parent have no financial responsability to the child.
If a court takes the parental right, then that parent is still responsalbe financially, but has no rights to the child. (visitation)

I'm so sorry your going thourgh this.
and document EVERYTHING!!!!
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