Diaper Swappers

hockeymom6201 · 05-13-2006, 08:03 PM

Ok Mamas where to start....
My bf and i are getting married in a few months we have been together for 4 yrs, we decided to not have kids at the wedding besides our own. Cam 4 and baby will be 1 yr. Well mil got po'd for some reason and said they will not be contributing the 5k+ that they promised for our wedding .. we have already mailed out save the dates and we contracted this wedding place based on their contribution.. It costs about $75per person and we have invited about 150 ppl.
So shes having some crazy first child to leave the house syndrome and she is using this as an excuse for telling family that i (a sahm) never let her see her grand kids and that i am an awful person ect..
Now this is what I have no idea what to do with... hubby checks his moms email every so often ( we plan to have my 4 yr old completely adopted by my hubby shortly after we are married.. oh and he has no idea hubby is not his real father) I dont condon that type of thing BUT we found out that she is trying to track down my sons Biological father !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have NO Idea what to do !!! If we confront her she'll change her email pass and then what !! We have no way to see what she is up to... *sigh* I'm lost she has said such hurtful things to my hubby (he a failure etc. ) Not to metion he is almost a licenced counsler at 25 yrs and makes a good enough living to keep us and the kids at home ... We are going to loose everything we have saved up to get out of our apt if we have to pay for all of these people... And how do i explain all of this to a four yr old who has no idea about any of this !! This all has gotton so out of control ... She has gone as far as trying to get copies of childsupprt and court documents to find bio's addy and contact info
Please Help us

driftymaer · 05-13-2006, 08:23 PM

Wow! I'm so sorry! My ds (he's 4 too) doesn't know yet that my dh isn't his bio either. Hopefully the adoption will be finished this summer too. This lady does not have a leg to stand on. She is in no way related to this child and cannot legally do anything. However, I really hope that she doesn't find him because then they both can start a bunch of crap. Is there anyway you can contact him first? The bio I mean. Will he be civil about it? Why in the world would she be doing something like this? I'm so sorry. What does your df have to say? My MNL Ruined my wedding-horribly bad-I hope that yours doesn't do anything like that. It was kinda the same thing-I'm loosing my baby boy crap. The only thing I could suggest at this point if you can't confront her about it is to talk to your lawyer and see what he has to say. I hope that everything turns out ok.

bobandjess99 · 05-13-2006, 08:25 PM

What state are you in?
In most states, if the biofather has not seen the child in a certain period of time (in my state, one year), you can terminate rights.
If you can, TERMINATE RIGHTS right NOW!!!! It does not cost that much, you do have to jump through a couple hoops, but I can not stress how important this is. Then, when hubby wants to adopt, you will be free and clear. Otherwise, you will have to go through the whole terminating rights thing anyway, before new hubby can adopt. If you do it now, you don't have to spend the time between now and then worrying that biodad is going to try to re-assert his rights...blah, blah...

oh, wait, i see a mention of child support in your post...is biodad paying support? Does he see the child? If he pays support and/or sees the child, he will have to AGREE to let your new hubby adopt.

About the wedding...well..sorry no real advice here, except to say that if you can't afford it, don't have the big wedding. In my world, it's asinine to go into debt/spend lots of money just to have a big wedding. There are so many more useful things you can do with the money..house downpayment, stay at home with kids, etc....

SheilaJoy · 05-13-2006, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

What state are you in?
In most states, if the biofather has not seen the child in a certain period of time (in my state, one year), you can terminate rights.
If you can, TERMINATE RIGHTS right NOW!!!! It does not cost that much, you do have to jump through a couple hoops, but I can not stress how important this is. Then, when hubby wants to adopt, you will be free and clear. Otherwise, you will have to go through the whole terminating rights thing anyway, before new hubby can adopt. If you do it now, you don't have to spend the time between now and then worrying that biodad is going to try to re-assert his rights...blah, blah...

oh, wait, i see a mention of child support in your post...is biodad paying support? Does he see the child? If he pays support and/or sees the child, he will have to AGREE to let your new hubby adopt.

About the wedding...well..sorry no real advice here, except to say that if you can't afford it, don't have the big wedding. In my world, it's asinine to go into debt/spend lots of money just to have a big wedding. There are so many more useful things you can do with the money..house downpayment, stay at home with kids, etc....

ITA
assuming the bio dad is not interested in being a father, since he hasn't been for the past four years. I'm so sorry!!! Why are MILs so

??

hockeymom6201 · 05-13-2006, 08:37 PM

lol. I couldnt agree more about spending money on something more important ... the funny thing is the reason we decided on the big wedding was because of the inlaws (to impress everyone) ugh* And we cant cancel anything now or we will lose all of our deposits (well over $4k) *sigh* as for bio dad we havent heard from him since cam was 1 he has court ordered cs but hes behind by at least $3k.. oh and he also hasnt seen him sent a card nothing ... we live in PA if anyone has info on the legal stuff lemme know !!! Thanks for your responses Mamas ... I just can see how this will ever get fixed I will NEVER be able to trust .. and trying to hurt a 4 yr old!! Who does that !! ?? Worst of all FIN says "Hes not getting involved" , She needs to be commited

AttachedMama · 05-13-2006, 09:37 PM

I don't even understand what your DS's biological father has to do with you not allowing other children at the wedding. What do you think she's trying to accomplish by finding him? I'm just confused lol

I have a nutty family member that does this same kind of stuff...I just don't get it..

hockeymom6201 · 05-13-2006, 10:15 PM

I have no idea either i'm so baffeled sp. *ugh* She needs to be commited .. now i find out that she has called her whole side of the fam and told them that I threatened her ??? My guess is shes trying to break us up at the expense of our very young children ... Happy Mothers Day !! lol My hubby and I dont have any idea where to start ??

OneFabMama · 05-13-2006, 10:41 PM

MIL OBVIOUSLY has no reguard for how your childs feeling will come into play if all of a sudden daddy isnt his REAL daddy and here is this weird man he's never seen before.
i'd call her on it. tell her shes way way out of line. and if she doesnt want to contribute to her sons wedding then fine. you'll figure it out but shes crossed the line and there is NO way i'd let that go. it's none of her business.
Good luck

Carrie · 05-14-2006, 09:49 AM

Is MIL peeved b/c children aren't invited? If they are paying $5K for the wedding I would think you could compromise on this issue. If it is a matter of the children having been "uninvited" already, you can call those people with children and explain that their children are welcome. No doubt MIL is wacko but if that is truly what she is mad about maybe you could compromise and make matters a little better?

FancifulFanny · 05-14-2006, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hockeymom6201

lol. I couldnt agree more about spending money on something more important ... the funny thing is the reason we decided on the big wedding was because of the inlaws (to impress everyone) ugh* And we cant cancel anything now or we will lose all of our deposits (well over $4k) *sigh* as for bio dad we havent heard from him since cam was 1 he has court ordered cs but hes behind by at least $3k.. oh and he also hasnt seen him sent a card nothing ... we live in PA if anyone has info on the legal stuff lemme know !!! Thanks for your responses Mamas ... I just can see how this will ever get fixed I will NEVER be able to trust .. and trying to hurt a 4 yr old!! Who does that !! ?? Worst of all FIN says "Hes not getting involved" , She needs to be commited

You can always contact a local or the state law library. The reference librarian can look up the particulars for you. In most places that I have run across these liubrarians must have their law degrees as well as library degrees. They CANNOT dispense advice but will know exactly what it is you are looking for and get you through the legal goobledegook.

05-13-2006, 08:03 PM	#1
hockeymom6201 Registered Users Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Hatboro, PA Posts: 333 Ratings: 56 Feedback: 95%	MIL Trying to contact bio father of our 4 yr old Help!!! I need advice Ok Mamas where to start.... My bf and i are getting married in a few months we have been together for 4 yrs, we decided to not have kids at the wedding besides our own. Cam 4 and baby will be 1 yr. Well mil got po'd for some reason and said they will not be contributing the 5k+ that they promised for our wedding .. we have already mailed out save the dates and we contracted this wedding place based on their contribution.. It costs about $75per person and we have invited about 150 ppl. So shes having some crazy first child to leave the house syndrome and she is using this as an excuse for telling family that i (a sahm) never let her see her grand kids and that i am an awful person ect.. Now this is what I have no idea what to do with... hubby checks his moms email every so often ( we plan to have my 4 yr old completely adopted by my hubby shortly after we are married.. oh and he has no idea hubby is not his real father) I dont condon that type of thing BUT we found out that she is trying to track down my sons Biological father !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have NO Idea what to do !!! If we confront her she'll change her email pass and then what !! We have no way to see what she is up to... sigh I'm lost she has said such hurtful things to my hubby (he a failure etc. ) Not to metion he is almost a licenced counsler at 25 yrs and makes a good enough living to keep us and the kids at home ... We are going to loose everything we have saved up to get out of our apt if we have to pay for all of these people... And how do i explain all of this to a four yr old who has no idea about any of this !! This all has gotton so out of control ... She has gone as far as trying to get copies of childsupprt and court documents to find bio's addy and contact info Please Help us __________________ Lisa & Steve Stephen 10.14.05 Cameron 6.2.01

05-13-2006, 08:23 PM	#2
driftymaer Registered Users Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Monroe, Michigan Posts: 458 Ratings: 33 Feedback: 100%	Re: MIL Trying to contact bio father of our 4 yr old Help!!! I need advice Wow! I'm so sorry! My ds (he's 4 too) doesn't know yet that my dh isn't his bio either. Hopefully the adoption will be finished this summer too. This lady does not have a leg to stand on. She is in no way related to this child and cannot legally do anything. However, I really hope that she doesn't find him because then they both can start a bunch of crap. Is there anyway you can contact him first? The bio I mean. Will he be civil about it? Why in the world would she be doing something like this? I'm so sorry. What does your df have to say? My MNL Ruined my wedding-horribly bad-I hope that yours doesn't do anything like that. It was kinda the same thing-I'm loosing my baby boy crap. The only thing I could suggest at this point if you can't confront her about it is to talk to your lawyer and see what he has to say. I hope that everything turns out ok.

05-13-2006, 08:25 PM	#3
bobandjess99 Registered Users Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Northern IN Posts: 1,895 Ratings: 45 Feedback: 100%	Re: MIL Trying to contact bio father of our 4 yr old Help!!! I need advice What state are you in? In most states, if the biofather has not seen the child in a certain period of time (in my state, one year), you can terminate rights. If you can, TERMINATE RIGHTS right NOW!!!! It does not cost that much, you do have to jump through a couple hoops, but I can not stress how important this is. Then, when hubby wants to adopt, you will be free and clear. Otherwise, you will have to go through the whole terminating rights thing anyway, before new hubby can adopt. If you do it now, you don't have to spend the time between now and then worrying that biodad is going to try to re-assert his rights...blah, blah... oh, wait, i see a mention of child support in your post...is biodad paying support? Does he see the child? If he pays support and/or sees the child, he will have to AGREE to let your new hubby adopt. About the wedding...well..sorry no real advice here, except to say that if you can't afford it, don't have the big wedding. In my world, it's asinine to go into debt/spend lots of money just to have a big wedding. There are so many more useful things you can do with the money..house downpayment, stay at home with kids, etc....

05-13-2006, 08:37 PM	#5
hockeymom6201 Registered Users Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Hatboro, PA Posts: 333 Ratings: 56 Feedback: 95%	Re: MIL Trying to contact bio father of our 4 yr old Help!!! I need advice lol. I couldnt agree more about spending money on something more important ... the funny thing is the reason we decided on the big wedding was because of the inlaws (to impress everyone) ugh* And we cant cancel anything now or we will lose all of our deposits (well over $4k) sigh as for bio dad we havent heard from him since cam was 1 he has court ordered cs but hes behind by at least $3k.. oh and he also hasnt seen him sent a card nothing ... we live in PA if anyone has info on the legal stuff lemme know !!! Thanks for your responses Mamas ... I just can see how this will ever get fixed I will NEVER be able to trust .. and trying to hurt a 4 yr old!! Who does that !! ?? Worst of all FIN says "Hes not getting involved" , She needs to be commited __________________ Lisa & Steve Stephen 10.14.05 Cameron 6.2.01

05-13-2006, 09:37 PM	#6
AttachedMama Registered Users Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 354 Ratings: 19 Feedback: 100%	Re: MIL Trying to contact bio father of our 4 yr old Help!!! I need advice I don't even understand what your DS's biological father has to do with you not allowing other children at the wedding. What do you think she's trying to accomplish by finding him? I'm just confused lol I have a nutty family member that does this same kind of stuff...I just don't get it..