I Don't Like DS Teacher..Update(Sorta)At the Bottom

[Sarah]

I know our 6 year old is sensitive,so does everyone else who meets him. He's got a soft heart and is sensitive. So I thought no biggie. Well I guess it's making his teacher nuts. Everyday for the past week I get little "love notes"like this
"cried all day for no reason". If he's crying there has to be a reason
"cried a lot as usual"
"he cried over a little scrape"

Today was the topping on the cake. Ian's parakeet died last night and Ian found the body. He was crushed,I knew to expect some drama and I warned the teacher. Today his note is this
"Ian was weepy all day" DUH!!

How do I approach this teacher? What questions do I ask? Do I just skip it and ask to move him to a different class?

I know she says he's a cryer,but DH and I volunteer in his class at least once a week and neither of us have ever seen him cry at school

[Shawna_L]

Maybe she's the reason he's crying.

[OneFabMama]

Originally Posted by Shawna_L Maybe she's the reason he's crying.

I definitley agree with that. i would talk with her. those notes are silly. obviously there is a reason he is crying.

[jls~Kain~Drake]

Those notes sound completely disrespectful to you and your son. I'd request a parent/teacher meeting and if she doesn't satisfy you then request a move to a different class.

[A'smommy]

*sigh* momma.

Sounds like you're gonna have to go meet with her and ask questions about what was happening, who was in the room during the incident(s), etc. Talk to your DS and ask him (very casually) what's going on at school, does he like it/the teacher/the other kids/the activities. Ask him what his favorite thing is, etc. (Just realized I'm using "etc." a lot LOL) Anyway....try to play detective and see if you can figure out what's up without tipping him off that you're annoyed with the teacher.

If you and your DH are both volunteering and haven't seen anything, then you'll definitely need to talk to the teacher to figure out what's up. You should be able to get a better idea what's going on if you very coolly and casually chat her up. As long as you keep your cool you'll probably get more information from her, and then you can decide what to do next.

GL!

[beenwaitingalongtime]

I think it's good she's informing you of his mood in class. (Several of my students are going thru med trials so I'm always letting them know 'this one makes her fall asleep in class', 'this one makes here agitated', 'this one is causing him to be more sensitive than usual') However, adding adjectives like 'little' scrape and 'as usual' is awfully judgemental. She's adding in her opinion of your DS behaviors, which is inappropriate.
I'd let her know you appreciate her information, but would like her to leave her report the behaviors as factual info. and not add in her unnecessary (and insulting) opinions of them. Also, what's her point in informing you? Both of you know he's sensitive, so if the point of her letters is to try to find a solution so your DS can be happy in school, she should be offering more FACTUAL information, such as when/where the crying spells are occuring (I had a student who broke down every day at 9:30--after analyzing it a bit, I realized she had a fear of using the bathroom which, after asking her mother over and over again what could be the cause of her fear, we learned her father had locked her in the bathroom once as a punishment and she's been afraid ever since), who he's interacting w/ at that time and what the teacher's doing to help calm him.
From the wording in her reports, it sounds as if she thinks he's being ridiculous and overly sensitive, so I'd assume she's telling him to stop crying and that's about it. It'd prob. be more productive if you, DH and she come up w/ a game plan for dealing w/ his teary moments (i.e. he reports how he's feeling to the teacher, she steps aside to help him talk thru it and together decide how to deal w/ it.)
I have had 2 REALLY sensitive students recently--1 student could never really express why he was upset. He only knew 'mad' as an emotion word. If he dropped a paperback book on his foot, he freaked out, crying and saying he was mad. If someone touched his things, he blew up and said he was mad. We ended up having him draw his feelings, then discussed his picture and told him the words for how he was feeling. He also used Picture Communication Cards printed onto magnet paper to put on a little magnetic board to show me what had happened. The other student cries most of the day--whether someone looks at her wrong, beats her to the front of the line at recess, doesn't play w/ her...whatever. This happens mostly during unstructured times when I'm not there to mediate and I had to hide out during a recess time to see why she continued to cry after informing the recess aide of her problem. I saw that the aide would tell her 'tell your teacher' and send her back inside. No wonder she was upset! I would then take her w/ me to find the offending child & that teacher and myself would guide them in a 'mtg' where they'd both state their sides and come up w/ a resolution. Now...my students are 8y/o and Deaf AND have other disabilities, so I'm not talking deep discussions or anything. Basically, my student would say 'She said 'stupid' and the other girl would say 'She pushed me'. The teacher would say, 'So...if she pushes you, is it better to now hurt her, or should you inform an aide'. She's say 'Inform' and we'd close w/ 'That's right. YOU--no push. If push? Inform. Ok?' They'd both say 'sorry', shake hands and feel 100% better. Even though there was no REAL resolution or heartfelt apology, that student just wants her feelings recognized and affirmed. Seems like that could help your DS if not figure out what's going on to cause his emotional outbursts.
From there, if you feel the teacher's still being judgemental or unhelpful, I'd go to the principal. It's clearly stated at my school that we don't report our opinions, just the facts. If her judgement is clouded by how she feels about your DS, she's not going to be fair to him.
As for pulling him? That would be my LAST resort, after many more steps (maybe even request a counselor consult so he has someone to talk to/someone who can help figure out what's going on thru use of a sand tray or something?) I'm not a big fan of teaching kids that you'll shelter them from anyone who upsets them. Kids have to learn to deal w/ people who may not like/agree w/ them and that may help him to take things a bit less personally too by learning to develop problem strategies himself that aren't always 'have Mommy fix it.' KWIM?

[Sarah]

Erika
That was awesome. I'm certainly going to use your advice and help any way I can.

[jls~Kain~Drake]

Erika

Sounds like excellent advice!

[mommyto3girls]

I agree with Erika.

I also wanted to add that it makes total sense to me that he wasn't crying when you and dh are volunteering. You are his saftey net, so when you are there there is no need to cry. If you want to see if the teacher is blowing things out of proportion I would set up some unannounced visits (that would be unannounced to your child, in most districts the teacher has to be told you will be coming) This would give a truer picture of what is wrong. Have you asked him why he is crying?

[mama2iliana]

I would really try to connect with the teacher to help her understand your DS a little more. It sounds like it might be a personality conflict or misunderstanding of what's going on.
As a teacher, there have been a few students that I have struggled to connect with or understand but once I made a connection with the parents, I felt more connected to the student.