What We Wish You Knew About Infertility

[kt~mommy]

Originally Posted by jenvbear Great post! I think we should make these two posts stickes.

how do we do that?

[birdseye]

thank you for posting!!

Infertility is so hard. I joined DS 2 years ago, when we had been trying for 6 months. I really thought we would be pregnant shortly after. Here we are 2 years later, and I have yet to use a cloth diaper.

I think the hardest thing I deal with is comments from people that know we are dealing with infertility. I do not want you advise or sympathy. I need your patience and sensitivity.

[kt~mommy]

Originally Posted by birdseye thank you for posting!! Infertility is so hard. I joined DS 2 years ago, when we had been trying for 6 months. I really thought we would be pregnant shortly after. Here we are 2 years later, and I have yet to use a cloth diaper. I think the hardest thing I deal with is comments from people that know we are dealing with infertility. I do not want you advise or sympathy. I need your patience and sensitivity.

this is exactly why i haven't breathed a word of anything to anyone IRL and have no intention of doing so. i don't want sympathy, makes me feel worse.

[birdseye]

Originally Posted by kt~mommy this is exactly why i haven't breathed a word of anything to anyone IRL and have no intention of doing so. i don't want sympathy, makes me feel worse.

We actually waited 18 months to tell our parents, and we had already started tests and some treatment. Then, just short of 2 years, we told our siblings. We felt that by those times, we needed our families to be aware of what we were dealing with and we also needed their prayers.

What I did not expect is complete lack of compassion and sensitivity from my brother and his wife. They claim they understand and they have 4 children...all completely planned and when they wanted them. We have had heated arguments about whether they understand. They don't, and they continue to insist that they do. SIL even explained to me that since she can imagine what it would be like not to have her children, then that is enough for her to state that she understands what we are dealing with. Um...imagining something and walking through something is completely different. I can imagine what it would be like to walk over coals barefoot, but until I actually live that, I will never understand what that would be like, and the pain that is involved. It is very frustrating. DH's siblings, on the other hand, have been wonderful. They are sensitive and careful with their words.

[Imogen's_Mum]

Oh mama, you are so right on the mark...

Thank you for that. I really needed it today

[kt~mommy]

Originally Posted by birdseye We actually waited 18 months to tell our parents, and we had already started tests and some treatment. Then, just short of 2 years, we told our siblings. We felt that by those times, we needed our families to be aware of what we were dealing with and we also needed their prayers. What I did not expect is complete lack of compassion and sensitivity from my brother and his wife. They claim they understand and they have 4 children...all completely planned and when they wanted them. We have had heated arguments about whether they understand. They don't, and they continue to insist that they do. SIL even explained to me that since she can imagine what it would be like not to have her children, then that is enough for her to state that she understands what we are dealing with. Um...imagining something and walking through something is completely different. I can imagine what it would be like to walk over coals barefoot, but until I actually live that, I will never understand what that would be like, and the pain that is involved. It is very frustrating. DH's siblings, on the other hand, have been wonderful. They are sensitive and careful with their words.

i'm sure i will also have a 'breaking point' for telling people... no idea when that will be. about your bro and SIL

[CalebsMome]

http://www.infertilityeducation.org/...yfeelslike.pdf

This is where I got it from. I added the first part and the last part in, but the middle came from here. You can print it and carry it around as a brochure! Believe me I've thought about it! I actually wish I had it today!

[CASMama711]

Wow, CalebsMome, what a great post. It describes so many things that I've been feeling for so many years. We went though infertility, multiple surgeries and treatments for 2 years before becoming pregnant with DD. Now when I mention that we're undergoing treatments to try for #2, people feel some insane need to say, "but you had a baby, so it will be easier this time." IT'S NOT!

[Sernade]

My husband and I didn't tell any of our family our issues. We just kept saying "We don't know if we will have kids" and they took it to mean "we were choosing to not have kids". Our families chat so anything we told one side the other would hear, so we just left it at that and let them all 'assume'. After much testing and trying we finally saved up enough cash for IVF since this was our best hope. That is when we decided to tell everyone. My MIL broke down and couldn't understand us not talking to her about it. Like I want to explain everything over and over and over, having them talking about it all the time, behind our backs, suggesting other options: "So and so adopted from this place", etc. We did not rule out adoption and still may at a future date but we didn't want them trying to help and only make things worse.

Anyway, thanks for posting. I felt so much of that during our 5 year struggle... you really sum'd it up.

[teahmommytobe]

i was trying for 3 years before i got pregnant. And now I have my little miracle baby ...we want to have our children close in age, but i can't help bu tthink how long it would take till I have my second (i don't plan on being ttc for another 24 months)