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Old 05-26-2006, 01:52 PM   #1
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What am I doing wrong?

My son is 2.5, will be three in August. He is the most ill behaved child I have ever encountered. I can't run errands with him during the day because he throws tantrums. When I say tantrums I mean he throws himself on the ground, calls me stupid, dumb, spits in my face, you name it he does it. When we are at home I make him help me pick up his toys, but he will not do it. He throws himself on the floor, screams, kicks, spits, and will even pee his pants (he's potty trained and never has accidents unless he's throwing a tantrum). When it's time for bed every single night we have a drop down dragout that lasts about 2 hours every night from 8ish to 10ish. He'll finally fall asleep because he is just too worn out to continue fighting going to bed. No matter where we go he does this, he will not behave. I have tried the sitting for 2 minutes when he is bad, I've tried giving him a choice of "Help mommy clean up your toys or you can sit all by yourself with no toys." I have tried so many other things too that I am out of ideas.

Other examples. He'll ask for some juice, I'll get him some juice. I give him his cup and he'll throw himself on the floor yet again screaming that he hates juice and wants milk. I walk away from him and will not give into his tantrum. He asked for juice, that is what I gave him.

He has ALWAYS been this way. Ever since he was a baby he'd throw these major tantrums. The tantrums keep escalating, they get worse and worse and worse. He acts so terrible I'm worried he won't be able to go to school. (No I'm not interested in home schooling him, it's not for me.) I am at my wits end. I can't take these tantrums anymore, it's getting ridiculous. I have NO clue what to try to get him out of it.

When he does this I look him in the face and tell him that kind of attitude will not be tolerated. He will in turn spit in my face. I keep at it and keep at it but it always takes me at least an hour to get him to stop the fit and by then he just is worn out from fitting. I spend most of my day fighting his attitude. It's just hard and I'm ready to snap and I am so stressed out.

What can I do?


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Old 05-26-2006, 02:27 PM   #2
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

Nanny 911???
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Old 05-26-2006, 02:57 PM   #3
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

Hmm, nanny 911 would be nice! Is he getting enough sleep? I've always heard that not getting enough sleep can REALLY affect how kids behave (regardless of age a lot of the time). It does sound pretty nasty, though - do you take him to a ped? Can you ask them? Sometimes I think if it's a serious behavioral issue you are better off asking them. I can't give much advice, but I'll give you
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Old 05-26-2006, 03:39 PM   #4
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

First of all

Just let me tell you that I'm sure it's nothing you're doing wrong. Chances are he's just 2.5 years old Stick to your guns, and let him know who is in charge..if that means leaving a cart full of groceries in the middle of the isle and walking out,do will let him know you're serious. Do LOTS of reading on different discipline/ parenting methods and try them out. If all else fails, take him to your Ped.

BTDT! Although I'm sure my son is an extreme case, but I've been dealing with this kind of behaviour since ds was a baby too. He was kicked out of daycare TWICE by the time he was 2! Mind you, there are underlying problems with him ~

I'm sure your little one will grow out of it, it's just him trying to show that he thinks he's the boss. Good luck!
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Old 05-26-2006, 03:53 PM   #5
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

If you're doing something wrong then so am I!!!

My 2.5 yo is JUST like this... but hasn't always been this way... just in the past 6 months or so he's slowly turned evil.

I'll be watching this topic.
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:01 PM   #6
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

my 2.5 yo is currently in his room screaming his head off (& crying). He is just like your son except up until one week ago was a pretty normal 2.5 yo. Then, like a light switch going on he's started not listening, taking the baby gates down and letting himself into the kitchen, out of his room at night and starts being naughty. He spits at me, kicks me, tells me what to do, counts to 3 after I do and tells me to go to time out.

I have always been consistant but since I started making and selling wipes and such he's being totally rotten (well, he was spitting at me I am so sick of it all too. I totally feel your pain.

I cannot stand to take him shopping with me. He grabs stuff while in the shopping cart and either throws it on the floor or into the cart for me to almost pay for later.... He screams at the top of his lungs for no reason and keeps doing it when you ask him politely to use his inside voice.

It's like he's feeding off of me getting frustrated with him and putting him in time out. He likes it. Every time I try to talk to him he screams in my face or screams/cries so loud I cannot even hear myself talk.

I so hate this. He won't stay in time out or take me seriously at all.

This has been 1 week of pure hell. I cannot imagine living like this all the time.

I wish you and I a more peaceful home.
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:14 PM   #7
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

Hugs, my sympathies. I have two that are going through this awful phase right now and at the end of the day, by the time DH gets home, I have absolutely had it. I'm ready to blow, I don't want to be around them and I'm angry at myself for letting it bother me so much.

I haven't found a single thing that works for us. I'm VERY ashamed to admit (please don't judge me for this) that we've done some spanking lately. It doesn't work either, so we stopped. But I was desperate. Time outs are ridiculous. They just get more upset, and I won't even set a timer until after they stop screaming. Which can take a VERY long time most days. I have three high strung, high needs kids under four, the oldest with special needs and I don't have the capacity to give them all the time and attention they really need.

The only other thing I can suggest that I didn't see in the thread so far is dietary changes. It may be a reaction to food or food dyes. Some kids, even though they aren't allergic to dairy can have behavioral reactions to them. It's always work a try. Most people see results within a couple weeks. I'd do a search on a gluten free/casein free diet and see what it entails.

Good luck to all of us!
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:16 PM   #8
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

I have read two great books. One is called

How to behave so your children will too

The other is called

Making your children min without losing yours.

Both are excellent books and have tons of great ideas for this type of situation.

Have you talked to your Ped to have him evaluated? Perhaps he has some sort of behavioral issue that he can't control and learning about his specific needs woould be good for the entire family.

Good Luck! I'm sorry things are so rough for you
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Old 05-26-2006, 05:22 PM   #9
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

I second pp's suggestion of dietary changes, I have known several children with behavior problems that were fixed or seriously improved by something as simple as eliminating red dye or chocolate. I would talk to my ped about it and discuss all of the possible causes.
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Old 05-26-2006, 05:32 PM   #10
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

I can only phathom how you must feel as DD was a 'devil' w/2 yrs. + I can't say she's an angel now but she's definately gotten better somewhat..
I hope you'll find a way to get him 'snap out of it' and be your loving boy again!
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